Struggling to get or keep an erection is incredibly common, but it can feel isolating and difficult to talk about. It often brings up feelings of frustration, embarrassment, or pressure that only make the situation harder to navigate.
As part of my broader psychosexual and relationship talking therapy practice, I offer a confidential, professional space to discuss what is happening with your body and your arousal, without judgement. I am a BACP-accredited practitioner, an Advanced Accredited Gender, Sexuality and Relationship Diversities Therapist (AAGSRDT), and currently a student in training to become a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist (UK College of Sexual and Relationship Therapies student member).
Does any of this sound familiar?
Erection problems (sometimes called erectile dysfunction or ED) can show up in different ways. You might be experiencing:
- Trouble getting an erection at all
- Losing an erection during sex or before penetration
- Being able to get an erection when you are alone, but not with a partner
- A sudden change in your erections after a period of stress or a life event
- Worrying about your erections so much that sex feels like a performance or a test
- Avoiding sex, intimacy, or dating altogether because of the pressure
The importance of a medical check
Because erections rely on a complex mix of blood flow, nerves, and hormones, erection problems can sometimes be the first sign of an underlying physical issue.
I am not a doctor or a medical professional, and I do not diagnose or treat medical conditions. Counselling is a non-medical profession. If you are experiencing changes to your erections, it is absolutely essential to consult your doctor to rule out any physical or medical causes. Talking therapy works very well alongside medical care, but never instead of it.
How sex therapy can help
When physical causes have been ruled out by a doctor, or if you are receiving medical treatment but still feeling anxious, exploring these issues through psychosexual therapy may help.
Often, a single instance of losing an erection can trigger a cycle of worry, commonly known as "performance anxiety." The next time you have sex, your brain is on high alert, checking to see if an erection is happening. This stress triggers a "fight or flight" response in the body, which directly switches off the arousal needed for an erection.
In our sessions, we will focus on:
- Understanding the cycle of anxiety and how it affects your body's physical responses.
- Exploring any stress, life changes, or history that might be contributing to the problem.
- Learning how desire and arousal actually work, beyond the pressure to perform.
What this work actually involves
This service is strictly a talking therapy. Sessions are entirely conversation; there is absolutely no touch, no nudity, and no explicit requests made of you.
Alongside our talking, I will usually suggest gentle, practical exercises for you to try. These are focused on removing the pressure to perform and tuning back into physical sensation. Any practical exercises are done entirely privately by you, in your own time and at your own pace. We then use our online sessions to talk through how those exercises went and what you noticed.
Please note: I currently only work with individuals. If you are looking for support together with a partner, my practice will be opening for couples and partners next year.
If you would like to explore how talking therapy might help take the pressure off and help you feel more relaxed around intimacy again, please get in touch.