Experiencing pain during sex, or finding that penetration is difficult or impossible, can be deeply distressing. It often leads to feelings of fear, frustration, and a sense of disconnection from your own body. Because it can be so hard to talk about, many people suffer in silence, assuming they are the only ones going through it.
I am a BACP-accredited therapist, an Advanced Accredited Gender, Sexuality and Relationship Diversities Therapist (AAGSRDT), and currently a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist in training (COSRT student member). I offer a confidential, professional, and entirely non-judgemental space to talk about your experiences and help you navigate a path forward.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Difficulties around pain and penetration can manifest in several different ways. You might be experiencing:
- Sharp, aching, or burning pain during or after penetrative sex
- An involuntary tightening or spasming of the pelvic muscles, making penetration impossible or highly painful (sometimes referred to as vaginismus)
- A sense of dread or anxiety leading up to physical intimacy
- Your body tensing up defensively the moment sex or penetration is initiated
- Feeling "broken," or carrying a heavy burden of guilt if a partner is involved
- Avoiding sexual contact, dating, or intimacy completely out of a fear of pain
The importance of a medical check
Pain is your body's alarm system and it is a signal that something needs attention. There are many physical conditions that can cause pain during sex, including infections, endometriosis, pelvic floor dysfunction, or hormonal changes.
I am not a doctor, and psychosexual therapy is a talking therapy, not a medical treatment. If you are experiencing pain, it is absolutely essential to consult your doctor or a medical specialist to rule out and treat any underlying physical causes. Our talking therapy is designed to work safely alongside your doctor's care, never instead of it.
How psychosexual therapy can help
When physical causes have been ruled out, or if you are receiving medical treatment but are still struggling with the psychological impact of painful sex, therapy can be incredibly beneficial.
Pain creates a powerful, self-reinforcing cycle. When sex hurts, your brain quite naturally learns to anticipate pain the next time. This anticipation triggers anxiety, which causes your body and muscles to tense up defensively. That physical tension then makes the pain worse, reinforcing the cycle.
In our sessions, we will focus on:
- Unpicking this cycle of fear, tension, and pain to help your nervous system feel safe again.
- Removing the pressure and expectation around penetrative sex.
- Exploring any past experiences, stress, or relationship dynamics that might be contributing to your body's protective responses.
What this therapy actually involves
Psychosexual therapy is strictly a talking therapy. Sessions are entirely conversation—there is absolutely no touch, no nudity, and no explicit requests made of you at any time.
Alongside our talking, I will usually suggest gentle, practical exercises for you to try. For painful sex, these exercises are entirely focused on relaxation, removing the goal of penetration, and helping you slowly rebuild trust in your body. All practical exercises are carried out entirely privately by you, in your own time and at your own pace. We will then use our online sessions to talk through how the exercises went, what you noticed, and how you felt.
Please note: I currently only offer this work to individuals. If you are navigating this alongside a partner and are looking for couples therapy, my practice will be opening for couples and partners next year.
If you would like to explore how talking therapy might help you ease the anxiety around intimacy and begin to trust your body again, please get in touch to arrange a free initial chat.