A drop in sexual desire is one of the most common reasons people seek out therapy, yet it often carries feelings of guilt, confusion, or shame. Whether your desire has gradually faded over time, suddenly dropped away, or has never been as high as you or a partner might expect, it can be a difficult space to navigate alone.
I am a BACP-accredited therapist, an Advanced Accredited Gender, Sexuality and Relationship Diversities Therapist (AAGSRDT), and currently a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist in training, doing specialist sex-therapy training. I offer a confidential, professional, and entirely non-judgemental space to explore your feelings around sex and intimacy.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Low sexual desire (sometimes referred to as low libido) is a very personal experience, and it looks different for everyone. You might find yourself:
- Rarely or never thinking about sex, or lacking the spontaneous urge for it
- Wanting sex far less than you used to, without fully understanding why
- Experiencing a "desire mismatch," where you want sex less frequently than a partner does
- Avoiding general physical affection, like cuddling or kissing, out of fear that it will lead to an expectation of sex
- Feeling your body is capable of arousal, but the mental interest or drive just isn't there
- Feeling pressure, guilt, or anxiety about your lack of desire
The importance of a medical check
Sexual desire is complex and intricately tied to our physical well-being. A drop in libido can frequently be linked to physical or medical factors, such as hormonal changes (including menopause or testosterone fluctuations), chronic fatigue, thyroid issues, or the side effects of certain medications like antidepressants or contraception.
I am not a doctor, and psychosexual therapy is a talking therapy, not a medical treatment. If you are experiencing a noticeable change in your sex drive, it is essential to consult your doctor to rule out any underlying physical or medical causes. Our talking therapy is designed to work alongside your doctor's care, never instead of it.
How psychosexual therapy can help
When medical causes have been ruled out, or if you are dealing with the emotional fallout of a medical condition, talking therapy offers a space to untangle the psychological and relational sides of desire.
Often, a drop in desire becomes a source of stress. The more pressure you feel to "want" sex, whether that pressure comes from yourself or a partner, the more elusive desire becomes. Pressure acts as an immediate brake on the arousal system.
In our sessions, we will focus on:
- Taking the pressure off and unpicking any feelings of guilt or obligation around sex.
- Exploring how stress, exhaustion, body image, or past experiences might be impacting your libido.
- Understanding the difference between "spontaneous desire" (getting the urge out of the blue) and "responsive desire" (where desire only emerges after physical or emotional connection begins).
What this therapy actually involves
Psychosexual therapy is strictly a talking therapy. Sessions are entirely conversation—there is absolutely no touch, no nudity, and no explicit requests made of you.
Alongside our talking, I will usually suggest gentle, practical exercises for you to try. These are aimed at helping you reconnect with your body and rediscover physical sensation without the goal or expectation of having sex. All practical exercises ("homework") are carried out entirely privately by you, in your own time and at your own pace. We will then use our online sessions to talk through how the exercises went, how they felt, and what you noticed.
Please note: I currently only offer this work to individuals. If you are navigating a desire mismatch and are looking for therapy together with a partner, my practice will be opening for couples and partners next year.
If you would like to explore how therapy might help you understand your desire and relieve the pressure around intimacy, please get in touch to arrange a free initial chat.