Taking a long time to climax, or finding it difficult to reach orgasm at all, is often misunderstood. While society often frames "lasting a long time" as a positive thing, the reality of delayed ejaculation can be frustrating, exhausting, and emotionally draining.
I am a BACP-accredited therapist, an Advanced Accredited Gender, Sexuality and Relationship Diversities Therapist (AAGSRDT), and currently a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist in training. I offer a confidential, professional, and non-judgemental space to explore what is happening with your body and your arousal.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Difficulty climaxing (sometimes called delayed ejaculation) looks different for everyone. You might find yourself:
- Taking a very long time to climax, sometimes to the point of physical exhaustion or losing your erection
- Being entirely unable to reach orgasm during partnered sex, even if you can when you are alone
- Faking an orgasm or making an excuse just to bring the sexual encounter to an end
- Feeling immense pressure to "finish" in order to reassure a partner that you are attracted to them or enjoying yourself
- Feeling a disconnect, where your body is aroused but you simply cannot reach the point of release
- Avoiding sex because the effort and expectation feel like too much hard work
The importance of a medical check
The physical process of reaching orgasm relies on a specific combination of nerve signals, hormones, and physical stimulation. Because of this, delayed ejaculation can frequently be linked to physical or medical factors, such as the side effects of certain medications (like antidepressants), nerve issues, or hormonal changes.
I am not a doctor, and psychosexual therapy is a talking therapy, not a medical treatment. If you are finding it difficult to climax, it is really important to consult your GP to rule out any underlying physical or medical causes. Talking therapy is designed to work alongside your doctor's care, never instead of it.
How psychosexual therapy can help
When medical causes have been ruled out, or if you are managing a medical condition and need support with the psychological impact, talking therapy can be highly effective.
Often, the difficulty in reaching orgasm creates a heavy sense of expectation. You might find yourself "spectatoring"—watching and evaluating your own performance during sex rather than being present in your body. This mental pressure acts like a brake on your arousal system, making climax even harder to achieve.
In our sessions, we will look at:
- Removing the pressure and expectation to climax, helping you return to enjoying physical sensation.
- Exploring any stress, relationship dynamics, or history that might be acting as a mental block.
- Understanding your unique "arousal template" and what your body actually needs to reach the threshold of orgasm.
What this therapy actually involves
Psychosexual therapy is strictly a talking therapy. Sessions are entirely conversation—there is absolutely no touch, no nudity, and no explicit requests made of you.
Alongside our talking, I will usually suggest gentle, practical exercises for you to try. These are aimed at helping you reconnect with your body and reducing the anxiety around reaching a goal. All practical exercises ("homework") are carried out entirely privately by you, in your own time and at your own pace. We will then use our online sessions to talk through how the exercises went and what you learned from them.
Please note: I currently offer this work to individuals only. If you are looking for therapy together with a partner, my practice will be opening for couples and partners next year.
If you would like to explore how therapy might help ease the pressure around sex and intimacy, please get in touch.