Grief and Bereavement Therapy

Grief is a universal experience, yet it often feels intensely isolating. Whether it stems from the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or another significant loss, grief can leave you feeling like the ground beneath you has shifted.

I’m William, a BACP-Accredited therapist with experienced and training in working with grief and bereavement. I understand the ways it manifests, the challenges it brings, and how different contexts—like cultural expectations or specific types of loss—can shape your experience.

I’ve created this guide to help share what I know about this totally universal, yet undeniably personal, experience with you. If you are interested in having a session, please contact me to arrange an initial chat.

Book a Free 15 Minute Bereavement Counselling Consultation

Understanding Grief and Bereavement

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it’s also deeply personal.

No two people grieve in exactly the same way, and that’s okay.

What is Grief?

Grief is an emotional reaction to loss, often associated with the death of a loved one but also present in other forms of significant change.

It’s not just an emotional experience—it’s physical, mental, and even spiritual.

When you’re grieving, you may feel:

• Emotionally: Overwhelming sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, relief, or numbness.
• Physically: Exhaustion, tightness in the chest, a lack of appetite, or an upset stomach.
• Cognitively: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, or repetitive thoughts about the loss.

Grief can be disorienting, leaving you questioning your sense of self and your place in the world. This is because significant losses often challenge the foundations of how we see our lives and relationships.

The Bereavement Process

Bereavement refers to the period of mourning following a significant loss.

This period is unique to every individual—there’s no set timeline for how long it lasts or what it looks like.

Some people find themselves feeling “better” within weeks or months, while others may feel the impact for years.

Grief doesn’t entirely disappear. Instead, people tend to find ways to adapt and incorporate the loss into their lives.

Society often imposes expectations around grief, such as a pressure to “move on” or “get over it.” But grief isn’t about forgetting—it’s about learning to live alongside the loss.

Models of Grief

Over the years, researchers and clinicians have tried to understand and explain grief through various models. While these models can be helpful for understanding the experience, they are not one-size-fits-all.

Kubler-Ross Model: The Five Stages of Grief

Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the famous five stages of grief:

1. Denial: Struggling to accept the reality of the loss.
2. Anger: Feeling resentment or rage, sometimes directed at others or the situation.
3. Bargaining: Making “what if” statements or trying to regain control.
4. Depression: Experiencing deep sadness and despair.
5. Acceptance: Beginning to find peace with the loss.

However, grief is not linear—it can cycle and spiral as people process their emotions. I’ve written more about how the five stages of grief, whilst once helpful in getting people talking about grief, no longer help people making sense of bereavement.

Worden’s Four Tasks of Mourning

Psychologist J. William Worden proposed a different approach, framing grief as a series of tasks:

1. Accept the reality of the loss.
2. Process the pain of grief.
3. Adjust to a world without the deceased.
4. Find an enduring connection with the deceased while moving forward.

This model emphasizes active participation in grieving rather than simply waiting for it to “pass.”

Contemporary Views

Modern grief theories often reject the idea of “closure” and instead focus on how people continue bonds with loved ones even after they’re gone. These theories recognize grief as an evolving process rather than a finite event.

Types of Grief

Not all grief looks the same. Here are some variations:

• Anticipatory Grief
  Occurs when a loss is expected, such as during a loved one’s terminal illness. This type of grief often involves feelings of guilt for mourning someone who hasn’t yet passed.
• Complicated Grief (Prolonged Grief Disorder)
  Some people find themselves stuck in their grief, unable to move forward even after a significant amount of time. This may include intense yearning, avoidance of reminders of the loss, or a persistent inability to accept the reality of the loss.
• Disenfranchised Grief
  This refers to grief that isn’t widely acknowledged or validated by society. Examples include the loss of a same-sex partner in cultures where such relationships aren’t recognized, the loss of a pet, the loss of a relationship hidden from others, or the grief after a miscarriage.
• Cumulative Grief
  When multiple losses happen in a short period, it can lead to an overwhelming sense of grief that’s difficult to process.
• Ambiguous Loss
  Involves losses that lack closure, such as when a loved one goes missing or when someone suffers from dementia and their personality changes.

Understanding grief and bereavement means recognizing that while loss is universal, your experience is uniquely yours.

Book a Free 15 Minute Bereavement Counselling Consultation

Challenges Associated with Grief

Grief is not just about coming to terms with loss; it’s also about navigating a world that often doesn’t know how to support those who are grieving.

For many, the experience of grief is compounded by social pressures, isolation, and even physical health challenges.

Social Pressures to “Move On”

Society has a strange relationship with grief. While most people would agree that grieving is natural, there’s often an unspoken expectation that it should be done quietly and quickly.

This can create a sense of pressure for those who are still struggling weeks, months, and years after a loss.

Some of the common social pressures include:

• Being told to “move on” or “get over it.”
• Feeling judged for how long it takes to process the loss.
• Perceived expectations to return to work or social commitments before you’re ready.

Grief doesn’t have a set timeline. The idea that there’s a “right” amount of time to grieve is not only untrue but deeply harmful.

Isolation and Misunderstanding

Grief can feel incredibly lonely.

Even when surrounded by friends or family, many people find it hard to express the depth of their feelings or worry that their pain is too much for others to handle.

This often leads to self-imposed isolation.

At the same time, people who want to support you may not know how. Their discomfort with grief can lead to avoidance or the dreaded “toxic positivity.”

Clichés and Unhelpful Things People Say

Well-meaning friends and family often try to comfort you with words of encouragement.

Unfortunately, some of the things they say can unintentionally add to the pain.

Here are a few examples of common clichés and why I think they’re unhelpful:

• “Time heals all wounds.”
  While time can bring perspective, it doesn’t magically erase pain. This phrase minimizes the ongoing nature of grief.
• “At least they lived a good life.”
  While intended as a consolation, this can feel dismissive, as though you should be grateful instead of sad.
• “Everything happens for a reason.”
  This is often used to make sense of senseless losses, but it can come across as invalidating or even cruel.
• “They’re in a better place now.”
  For those who don’t share the same beliefs, this can feel alienating. Even for those who do, it doesn’t erase the pain of their absence.
• “I know exactly how you feel.”
  Everyone’s grief is unique. Comparing your loss to someone else’s can feel dismissive, even if it’s meant to be empathetic.

What can people say instead? Often, the best thing to say is simply:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “I’m here for you.”
• “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but I’m here to listen.”

Sometimes, saying nothing and offering a supportive presence is the most meaningful way to help.

The Stigma Around Certain Types of Grief

Not all losses are treated equally by society.

This can lead to feelings of shame or invisibility for those grieving “less recognized” losses, such as:

• The death of a pet, which some dismiss as insignificant.
• Pregnancy loss or miscarriage, which is often shrouded in silence.
• LGBTQ+ individuals grieving a partner who wasn’t publicly acknowledged or accepted.

This type of grief, often called disenfranchised grief, can feel especially isolating because it lacks the communal support typically offered for more “acceptable” losses.

Secondary Losses

Grief is rarely just about the primary loss. It often comes with a cascade of other changes:

• Financial struggles: Losing a spouse or partner may mean losing a primary source of income.
• Identity shifts: For example, the loss of a child can leave parents questioning their role in life.
• Social impacts: Friendships may change, especially if friends don’t know how to support you or if your shared social activities revolved around the person you’ve lost.

These secondary losses can compound the emotional weight of grief and make the journey even harder.

Physical Health Impacts

Grief isn’t just emotional—it takes a toll on the body as well. Common physical symptoms include:

• Difficulty sleeping or staying asleep.
• Fatigue and low energy levels.
• Changes in appetite, leading to weight loss or gain.
• A weakened immune system, making you more susceptible to illness.

For some, grief can even exacerbate existing conditions, such as high blood pressure or anxiety. These physical impacts highlight the importance of talking to your GP or a doctor, and engaging in ample self-care, during the grieving process.

Grief in Different Contexts

Grief is a deeply personal experience, but it’s also shaped by the circumstances of the loss and the cultural, social, and personal contexts in which it occurs. While the pain of loss is universal, how we process it can vary depending on who we are and the nature of our relationships and communities.

Grieving a Loss to Suicide

Grieving after a suicide loss is a uniquely challenging experience, often accompanied by intense feelings of guilt, anger, and confusion.

This type of loss can also carry a social stigma, making it harder for loved ones to seek the support they need.

• Complex Emotions
  Those left behind may feel a mix of emotions, such as:
  • Guilt: Wondering if they could have prevented the loss or missed warning signs.
  • Anger: Feeling upset with the person for leaving or with others who might have contributed to their distress.
  • Shame or Stigma: Facing judgement from others or internalizing societal stigma surrounding mental health and suicide.
• Unanswered Questions
  Suicide often leaves loved ones grappling with unanswered questions about the person’s motivations or state of mind. This uncertainty can complicate the grieving process, making closure feel elusive.
• Isolation
  People grieving a suicide loss may feel isolated, worrying about how others will perceive the death. Friends and family may avoid the topic altogether out of discomfort, unintentionally deepening the sense of loneliness.

Therapy can provide a non-judgemental space to process these complex feelings. It can also help individuals navigate conversations about the loss and reduce feelings of guilt and self-blame.

Grieving as an LGBTQ+ Person

For LGBTQ+ individuals, grief can come with unique challenges, especially if the loss involves a partner or family member.

• Disenfranchised Grief
  Many LGBTQ+ people experience disenfranchised grief, where their loss isn’t recognized or supported by others. For example, a queer partner may not be acknowledged by family members or society as a legitimate spouse. This can make the grieving process even lonelier.
• Grief in the Context of Prejudice
  Prejudice and discrimination can exacerbate grief. For instance, losing a loved one to a chemsex incident may come with added stigma, leading some to avoid seeking support.
• Loss of Chosen Family
  In the LGBTQ+ community, chosen family (family of creation)—close friends and partners who provide support in place of estranged or unaccepting biological families (family of origin)—plays a critical role. The loss of a chosen family member can hit especially hard because they often represent safety, acceptance, and love in a way that biological family may not.

Therapy can offer a space to process these intersecting layers of grief while validating the importance of LGBTQ+ relationships and experiences.

Grief Across Cultures

Grief isn’t experienced in a vacuum—it’s shaped by cultural beliefs, traditions, and rituals.

• Cultural Practices
  In some cultures, grief is a collective experience, with extended family and community coming together to mourn. In others, grieving is seen as a private matter. Both approaches have their strengths and challenges.
• Differing Timeframes
  Cultures vary in how long mourning “should” last. For example, some religious traditions prescribe specific mourning periods (e.g., the Jewish practice of shiva), while others expect outward expressions of grief to cease after a few weeks.
• Expressions of Grief
  In some cultures, grief is openly expressed through wailing, rituals, or wearing mourning clothes. In others, stoicism or quiet reflection may be the norm. Neither is inherently better or worse, but cultural expectations can influence how people perceive and judge their own grief.

Non-Death Losses

I’ve focused mostly on losses due to death. However, while grief is often associated with death, it can also stem from other significant life changes.

These “non-death losses” are sometimes overlooked, yet they can be just as impactful.

• Divorce or Relationship Breakdowns
  The end of a relationship can feel like a death, especially if it involves the loss of shared dreams, routines, and social connections.
• Job Loss
  Losing a job can trigger grief, particularly if it was tied to one’s identity, sense of purpose, or financial security.
• Health Changes
  A diagnosis of a chronic illness or disability can lead to grief over the loss of independence, physical ability, or future plans.
• Empty Nest Syndrome
  Parents may grieve when children move out, especially if their identity has been strongly tied to caregiving.

Therapy can provide support in naming and processing these feelings, even when others might not understand their significance.

Self-Care and Support During Grief

Grief is an emotionally exhausting experience that can leave you feeling depleted, confused, and overwhelmed.

Taking care of yourself during this time isn’t about “fixing” your grief—it’s about ensuring you have the energy and resources to navigate it.

Practical Self-Care Tips

Grief can disrupt even the most basic routines, making it harder to focus on your physical and mental well-being. Here are some practical ways to support yourself:

• Sleep
  Grief often impacts sleep patterns, either through insomnia or excessive sleeping. Try to maintain a consistent sleep routine, even if it’s just going to bed and waking up at the same time each day. Relaxation techniques like deep breathing can also help calm a restless mind.
• Nutrition
  Appetite changes are common during grief. If full meals feel overwhelming, focus on small, nutritious snacks. Staying hydrated is equally important—grief can be physically draining.
• Exercise
  Gentle movement, like walking or yoga, can help release built-up tension in the body.
• Break Tasks into Small Steps
  Daily responsibilities might feel impossible to manage. Simplify your to-do list and tackle one small thing at a time. It’s okay if all you accomplish is something as simple as making your bed.
• Engage with the Moment
  Activities like journaling, listening to music, or drawing can help you process your emotions. These don’t have to be masterpieces—they’re tools to help you express yourself.

Leaning on Your Support Network

Even with strategies and techniques for coping with loss, you don’t have to grieve alone, even though it may feel like it at times. Reaching out to others can provide much-needed comfort and perspective.

• Family and Friends
  Loved ones often want to help but may not know how. Be honest about what you need, whether it’s someone to listen, help with chores, or just sit quietly with you.
• Community and Religious Groups
  If you belong to a faith or cultural community, you might find comfort in its rituals and collective support. Even outside of formal religion, non-religious support groups can connect you with others who understand what you’re going through.
• Professional Help
  A therapist or counsellor can provide a neutral, non-judgemental space to process your grief. They can help you identify coping strategies and explore emotions that feel too overwhelming to face alone.

The Importance of Patience and Compassion

Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and it’s not something you can rush.

• Let Yourself Feel
  Suppressing your emotions can delay healing. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, or confusion without judgement.
• Celebrate Small Wins
  Some days, getting out of bed might feel like a victory. Celebrate these moments without pressuring yourself to feel “normal” again.
• Avoid Comparison
  Grief is unique—your journey won’t look like anyone else’s. Comparing yourself to others (or your past self) can lead to unnecessary guilt or frustration.

When to Seek Additional Support

While grief is a natural process, there are times when it might feel too heavy to manage alone. Signs you might benefit from professional help include:

• Intense sadness that doesn’t ease over time.
• Difficulty functioning in daily life, such as maintaining work or relationships.
• Persistent feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or hopelessness.
• Thoughts of self-harm or a desire to join the deceased.

If any of these resonate, please talk to your GP or doctor to ensure there are no underlying reasons. Then consider contacting a therapist for bereavement counselling. There is no shame in asking for help, and doing so could provide the support you need to move forward.

Self-Care Isn’t About “Fixing” Grief

Neither therapy nor self-care will erase your loss.

Instead, it’s about giving yourself permission to care for your own well-being amidst the pain.

Grief is not something to be overcome but a process to be lived through—and self-care can help you find moments of balance and relief along the way.

How I Can Help

Grief is one of life’s most challenging experiences, and you don’t have to face it alone.

As a therapist experienced and qualified in working with bereavement, I’ve worked with people who are grieving all kinds of losses—some expected, others sudden, and some that feel almost impossible to put into words.

My role is to offer a space where you can be honest about your feelings, explore your unique experience of grief, and find ways to live alongside your loss.

Tailored Support for Your Grief

Every person’s grief is different, which is why I adapt my approach to suit your needs. Some ways I can help include:

• Helping You Understand Your Grief
  We’ll work together to explore your emotions, memories, and the ways your loss has impacted your life. This understanding can be an essential first step in making sense of what you’re feeling.
• Providing Space to Express Emotions
  Grief often comes with complicated emotions—anger, guilt, relief, and even joy. In therapy, you can share these without fear of judgement.
• Identifying Coping Strategies
  Together, we’ll find practical tools to help you navigate the day-to-day challenges of grief, from managing difficult anniversaries to building self-care routines.
• Navigating Complex Losses
  If your grief feels particularly complicated—such as after a suicide or the loss of a partner who wasn’t publicly acknowledged—I can help you process the unique challenges that come with these situations.

Online Therapy for Accessible Support

I offer online therapy sessions, so you can access support from the comfort of your own home.

Whether you’re in the UK or elsewhere in Europe, online sessions provide a flexible, confidential space where you can share your experiences and work through your grief on your terms.

When Is It Time to Seek Therapy?

Not everyone who grieves needs therapy, but it can be helpful if:

• You feel stuck in your grief, unable to move forward.
• Your emotions feel too overwhelming to cope with alone.
• You’re experiencing physical symptoms, like insomnia or chronic fatigue, linked to your grief.
• You’re finding it hard to function in daily life.
• You’ve experienced a traumatic loss, such as a sudden death or suicide.

Even if you’re unsure whether therapy is right for you, booking a free consultation can be a helpful first step to explore your options.